TEACH HIM ABOUT FOOTBALL:
YOU'LL EARN AT LEAST $500
A guy from New York is desperate to learn about the big game.  He wants to know everything there is to know about football - because he lied to his girlfriend and told her that he played ball in college.  Oops.

GREENLAND IS GREEN?
SINCE WHEN, GLOBAL WARMING PEOPLE?
Mapmaker, mapmaker.  Make me a map - a fake one, please.

MASS. GOVERNOR PATRICK:
YOU'RE AN #$^($#*%
Governor Deval Patrick has nothing better to do than hold a "No Name-Calling Day" in Massachusetts.  Give me a break.