HIGH WIRE SUPER BOWL CROTCH-BANGER:
WHERE DID THEY FIND THIS DUDE?

Sketchy Andy Lewis is the guy's name - here's what he's all about.  Did you wince as he smashed his family jewels against the slackline repeatedly?

MITT'S GLITTERBOMB:
SECRET SERVICE INTERVENES

I am sick and tired of these jackasses assaulting candidates.  If someone did this to Obama, they'd be SHOT DEAD by Secret Service. 

Watch as CNN anchors drool over the gliterbombing.

LOOK INSIDE:
IT'S A PURPLE SQUIRREL!
Click here to see the photos of the REAL LIFE purple squirrel.