The deaths, mourning, and funerals for two Greater Cleveland police officers in the past week made me think. They always make me think. My wife asked me, “why do so many people come to the funerals of police officers?” I told her that there are a number of reasons:

• Police officers stick together
• Their deaths are often tragic
• The majority of us have a great respect for police officers and the work they do

This week, we mourn the deaths of Elyria officer James Kerstetter and Cleveland Heights officer Thomas Patton II.


Photos courtesy of The Officer Down Memorial Page

The events of the past week take me back to the first major story I covered.

It was the spring of 1978, and I was newly-named as news director of WIBM radio in Jackson, Michigan, an AM radio station playing Top 40 music (with an FM sister station playing “beautiful music,” a long-dead format of easy-listening instrumentals). I was pretty much a one-man news operation, doing news twice an hour from 6-9 a.m, plus again at noon, plus a daily live public affairs show from a local restaurant (a great way to get guests is to promise them free food).

I went in one morning and heard a lot of chatter on the police scanner. I mean, a LOT. I came to find out that Lieutenant William J. “Jim” Nixon of the Jackson Police Department had been shot and killed.


Courtesy of The Officer Down Memorial Page

While on routine overnight patrol, Lt. Nixon saw a truck towing a backhoe. That wouldn’t have been unusual any other time, but at two in the morning, that’s unusual. Construction work is done during the daytime.

Lt. Nixon followed the truck out of town, northbound on US-127. He pulled it over a few miles north of Jackson. He got out of his police cruiser, walked up to the cab of the truck, and asked the driver for ID. When Lt. Nixon went back to his cruiser to call in to headquarters, he was shot point-blank and left for dead. I don’t remember the suspect’s name, but I remember he was found in a ditch nearby. He was put on trial (one that I had to rely on a sister station to cover due to a change of venue), and found guilty of first degree murder, which in Michigan, is an automatic sentence of life in prison without parole.

I thought about Lt. Nixon recently not necessarily because of the deaths of officers Kerstetter and Patton, but I had heard of the recent murder of another Jackson police officer. His death a month ago was the first one in the history of that department since Lt. Nixon was shot dead in cold blood 32 years ago.  I mourn for that man, but considering how dangerous police work can be, it's almost a miracle that a police department can go 32 years between tragedies such as this.

Let’s support our police, and hopefully these tragic deaths will continue to be rarities.

(For these photos, and in refreshing my fading memories about Lt. Nixon, I want to give credit to the Officer Down Memorial Page. This website has information about fallen police officers from across the country dating back to the early 19th century. I found it quite fascinating.)

I’d like to write about something that has generated a lot of talk around the newsroom. It has generated a lot of phone calls. People have a definite opinion. If they don’t like it, they really don’t like it. I’m not talking about Yazeed Essa. I’m not talking about Derek Anderson’s ripping apart Browns fans after his release. I’m not talking about anything President Obama has done. To hear what I’m talking about, click on the link below:

Click here to hear the radio spot

This spot for Mr. Rooter has been running now for a few days. Every time it runs, we get a few phone calls. One listener who talked to producer Scott “Scooter” Reese this morning got into a shouting match with Scooter over the spot’s language. He figures they might as well use coarser language (he was being sarcastic). The listener uttered a few obscenities to Scooter and then hung up the phone. That’s typical of a lot of the callers.

Around the newsroom, some have said the spot is disgusting. Others say it’s cute. After all, little kids do pee and poop. And, they clog up toilets. And, if the kids do clog up the toilet, that’s when they REALLY need to pee or poop (it’s the parental derivative of Murphy’s Law).


And, don't forget the definitive book on the subject....

I’ve pointed out for the folks here in the newsroom, the threshold regarding cute terms for relieving one’s self has already been crossed. As I pointed out in an earlier blog, a home pregnancy test TV ad used the “p” word a year ago (“It’s the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on.”)

But, I really recall the first time a word crossed the airwaves that shocked me. It was 1980. I was news director at WBCM radio in Bay City, Michigan. It was a presidential election year. We were an ABC radio affiliate. One day, in one of the ABC newscasts, they ran a commercial that started with the eight-letter compound word for bovine excrement. The one that starts with “bull.” We were all shocked, but found out there was nothing we could do. The spot was a campaign ad for Lyndon LaRouche, the ultra-right-wing political activist and perennial presidential candidate. The spot had to run as is, because political ads can’t be refused by a station, and can’t be edited. (To be honest, I don’t even remember anything else in the ad.) Luckily, the ad ran only a handful of times before, I presume, LaRouche ran out of money.

Compared to LaRouche’s message, a chorus of little kids singing “everybody poops, everybody pees” is nothing. I will agree with a point brought up by station management. Love the ad, or hate it, people are paying attention to this 15-second ad for Mr. Rooter. In the long run, that’s what an advertiser wants.

It was a case that had everything. Sex. Drugs. International intrigue. A philandering husband. A wife whose death came under unusual circumstances. Now it’s over.

Yazeed Essa has been found guilty of aggravated murder in the poisoning death of his wife, Rosemarie.

Click here to hear Judge Deena Calabrese read the verdict

This case received very little attention when Rosemarie DiPuccio Essa died in February of 2005. She collapsed behind the wheel while on a street in Highland Heights. She got into a fenderbender. Later that day, she died. It was only later, when police started poking into the case, suspicious that Rosemarie died in a very minor crash, that Yazeed Essa grabbed his passport and booked a flight for Beirut. Once in Lebanon, he pretty much hid in plain sight. According to testimony in his trial, Essa got drunk and bragged about killing his wife. Essa moved about the Middle East. It was when he arrived in Cyprus that he was arrested, for using false travel documents. The Cypriot government held Essa for American authorities, but wouldn’t extradite him, because Cyprus does not support the death penalty. Once the Cuyahoga County prosecutor’s office agreed to not seek the death penalty, Essa was sent packing to Cleveland.



During the trial, Yazeed Essa was painted as a man who juggled women like some other men juggle fantasy football teams. Even the defense admitted he was a herpes-infected creep who slept with lots of women, but he wasn’t on trial for his morals. The prosecution wanted to make it clear that Essa also wanted his wife out of the way so he could keep on with his affairs with all these other women. Some of his mistresses testified for the prosecution. The defense pretty much tried to convince jurors that one of those mistresses had the hots for Essa bad enough that she would commit murder to have him for herself.

His trial just wrapped up today, a little over five years after Rosemarie Essa’s death. Yazeed Essa has been found guilty. He’ll never set foot in the death chamber at the state prison in Lucasville, but there’s a chance he’ll die in prison. Court of Common Pleas judge Deena Calabreeze will sentence Essa next week. Since Essa was found guilty of aggravated murder – without death penalty specifications, and without sex crime specifications – the only sentence possible under Ohio law is life in prison with no chance for parole until 2030.

At that point, Yazeed Essa will be 61 years old. His wife will have been dead 25 years.
As a reporter and anchor, I’m not really supposed to express my opinion, but I couldn’t pass on it in this case.

Every time I have seen video clips of Essa, he was the epitome of the saying, “If looks can kill.” Every time I saw him, he had a very cold, steely stare. I don’t know if he was normally that calm and cool, but he sure did a good job of it for the trial. To be honest, his stare was kind of creepy. It’s almost as if he was daring the court to find him guilty. To be honest, I thought he was guilty from the get-go.

That’s a mild comment. I Googled “Yazeed Essa,” and besides news stories about this guy, I found a blog called the “True Crime Report.” It names Essa as its number one “Douchebag of the week.” Another blog said Essa is a terrorist, and his story is a good reason why Muslim doctors should not be allowed to immigrate to America. I won’t go that far. I will agree, though, that anyone who flees the country and leaves his kids behind, then brags about his crime, and even takes part in a plot to defraud an insurance company (more trial testimony) is deserving of the “douchebag” title.

After two full days, and two half-days of deliberations, the jury boiled down six weeks of testimony into a simple verdict. Guilty. Yazeed Essa goes to prison. Rosemarie DiPuccio Essa will never see her children grow up. But at least, Rosie’s family has seen justice. For that, I am glad.

Thanks to Tiger Woods, I actually have some time to post to my blog today. The golf pro turned gigolo isn’t directly responsible, but since I have no local news today (Friday the 19th) at 11:00 a.m., I can take some time and ruminate, expound, comment, etc.

• Tiger: he came across as very sorry, very contrite. He said he felt he could break the rules. Question is, was this a heartfelt comment, or a rehearsed statement put together by PR flacks and image consultants who have a lot of money riding on Tiger’s future? One PR person here in Cleveland told me she felt bad for Tiger Woods’ PR person, but not so sorry for that person’s bottom line.

• Dennis: looks like my congressman will have no serious opposition this year. I pondered the list of candidates running for the Republican nomination. I have heard of none of them, and one of them even attends my church. I appreciate Dennis’ convictions, but think his views are too far to the left for this district. Oh well; it looks like two more years of Mr. Kucinich.

• Forbes: would the folks at forbes.com please stop doing studies that say Cleveland is the nation’s coldest city, the nation’s most miserable city, the city most likely to be hit by a plague of locusts of biblical proportions. These kinds of surveys, to me, say one thing. You gotta be tough to be a Clevelander.

• Frank: the Cuyahoga County auditor is in more hot water without even being federally charged. Frank Russo’s spokesman had denied that representatives of four printing companies had been subpoenaed in the investigation of corruption in county government. Then, The Plain Dealer got hold of a copy of the subpoena. Russo’s spokesman, Destin Ramsey, is looking more and more to me like a local version of “Baghdad Bob,” the Saddam Hussein spokesman who came to be known as the “minister of disinformation.”

• The unidentified woman who just called the newsroom: her point was, why are we leading the news with Tiger Woods rather than the war in Iraq? She explained she’s the mother of a Marine, and it’s said that we led the news with Tiger Woods. I explained that more listeners are talking about Tiger Woods than about the war. Before hanging up, she said, “That’s pathetic.” It may be, but news coverage – no matter from where you get your news – is basically driven by the flavor of the day, and today, the flavor is Tiger. It may be pathetic, but you try changing human nature.  I will admit, though, that because we fight for our freedom, we have the freedom to cover inane stories like a golfer's sexual indiscretions.

Okay, discuss.

It’s been a strange week, weather-wise. Not so much here in Cleveland, but to points east.

It was all driven home for me Wednesday night while watching NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. He did the news from next to the skating rink outside 30 Rockefeller Center, to help drive home the point that New York had indeed joined Philadelphia, Wilmington, Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Washington in having experienced very heavy snowfall. Al Roker was live with Williams, and he said that Washington and Baltimore have received more snow this winter than have either Cleveland or Buffalo.

More snow in the Nation’s Capital than in two cities whose winter existence is defined by lake effect snow. Wow!

I have a lot of friends and some family on my wife’s side in DC. I have been reading, on Facebook, about their exploits, and the exploits of others as far north as Philadelphia over the past week.

One works for MarketWatch, a business news service. In order to make sure she can be at work to do hourly business reports for radio stations all over the country, she’s been staying at a hotel within walking distance of work.

Another is with the Delaware State Police. He’s had to deal with all the traffic hassles related to this monster snow.  He recounted the old "Candid Camera" bit in which they showed the surprise of motorists who couldn't drive into Delaware because it was closed.  The other day, for all intent and purposes, Delaware was closed. 

One Facebook friend in Philadelphia posted photos of the seven-foot snowman he and his daughters made.  It was so big, they used plastic plates as buttons along the snowman's front side.

One Facebook friend shot video at last Saturday’s giant snowball fight on DC’s Dupont Circle. Thousands of people showed up to have a good time.

While shoveling my own driveway last Saturday, I was listening to DC’s all-news radio station, WTOP, on my BlackBerry. It was interesting listening to the folks in DC reporting the kind of snowfall that we may get in Cleveland every few years, but may hit DC only once in a lifetime.

Take a look at this video of the snow at the White House:




Now back to the reality of winter in Cleveland.  I have a few things to pass along, because I believe falling snow turns some people into knuckle-draggers and mouth-breathers, devoid of common sense:

• Why are there so many morons who feel the need to tailgate when roads are snow-covered? Only if you’re sporting studded tires will you have even a chance of stopping quickly on a slippery road.

• Who are the idiots who feel the need to drive past you at near the speed limit on snow-covered freeways? You may have four-wheel or all-wheel drive, but what’s that going to do for you if you have to stop suddenly? The laws of physics apply to you, too!

• When you drive while it’s snowing, use your headlights! Did you know it’s the law in Ohio to put your headlights on, if it’s snowing or raining enough that you have to use your windshield wipers? It’s not so that you can see, it’s so we can see you, driving that gray car that blends in perfectly.

• Will you really lose that much time by not scraping the snow and ice off your car’s windows? I saw two guys in business suits jump into their crossover at work yesterday and just drive off without even bothering to pick up the snow brush/scraper. There’s a reason the car makers put all those windows on your vehicle; so you can see traffic, pedestrians, etc.

• There’s a reason that many cities have laws (rarely enforced) against shoveling or blowing snow from your driveway into the street. I just love it (I’m being sarcastic here) when I have to drive through mounds of snow from someone’s driveway that’s been tossed into an otherwise well-plowed street.

Okay, time to get down from the soapbox. But, I will tell you, that after seeing some of the idiotic ways people drive in the snow, I’m happy that I am driving to work before 4:00 a.m.

Why?  There are fewer idiots on the road, pure and simple.

Thanks to the assassination of two famous Americans, the children of Elyria get two days off school this week.

They had Monday off because it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

They’ll be off Friday because of President Obama’s visit to Lorain County Community College.



Whose assassination is indirectly responsible for the Friday day off in Elyria? Why, John F. Kennedy, of course.

The Elyria City Schools, and private/parochial schools in that city, canceled classes for Friday because of security related to the presidential motorcade from Cleveland Hopkins Airport to LCCC.

Here’s the quote directly from the Elyria schools web site:

The Elyria Police Department has informed us that travel on certain roads will be prohibited for various blocks of time. Since they can not divulge what times are affected, it is our decision to close as it becomes more difficult to ensure students’ safety when coupled with the unpredictability of Friday’s event.

In other words, they have no idea if school buses will be held up or detoured.

Security measures such as this became the norm in the years after JFK’s assassination. Kennedy was shot while riding in an open car, along a heavily publicized route. Over the years, the routes became secret, and the presidential limos became more heavily armored.

It’s come down to the point where a presidential photo op for the evening news trumps the education of thousands of children.

Talk about a civics lesson for these kids.

If you think that social media such as Facebook and Twitter have diminished contact between people, your mind might be changed after reading this. I’d like to tell you about my weekend, which was made possible thanks to Facebook.

Let me introduce the people involved. All of us met through Central Michigan University.


(L-R) Kenny, Debbie, Me, Lindsay, Tim, Bill.

Lindsay is the youngest of the bunch, having graduated from CMU only ten years ago. We all got to know her through her participation in the annual Alumni Takeover of my old student radio station at CMU, which she started taking part in due to her former job in media relations at CMU. She lives in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan.

Tim is a mid-80s CMU grad. He’s the adventurous type, in part because his job with a satellite transmission company takes him all around the world. He flies a lot. He has no issues with going places. He lives in Southern California, but flew in from Washington D.C., where work keeps him almost as much as at home.

Kenny is one of my college classmates and is a TV cameraman at WHAM-TV in Rochester, NY.

Bill is another one of my classmates. He’s married to Debbie. Bill is audio news editor of the Michigan Radio Network in Lansing.

During December, a friend of Lindsay told her online about Melt Bar and Grilled. Clevelanders are familiar with Melt as the little bar/restaurant in Lakewood that is notorious for its piled-high sandwiches, and its unforgettable waiting times. Online, Lindsay pondered to Tim the concept of going to Cleveland to try this place. Tim thought it would be a great idea. Bill and Debbie were brought into the mix. So was Kenny. And of course, so was I, since I live in Cleveland. From this point on, we were all linked via Facebook.

Everyone checked their schedules. We all had the weekend free. Tim could fly in from Washington. Kenny could drive down from Rochester, after getting the weekend off. Lindsay would hop a ride with Bill and Debbie from Michigan.    I’d be doing the weekend solo due to my wife’s work schedule.

The next question: what else to do? Of course, the Rock Hall came up. Neither Tim nor Lindsay had been there before. Kenny, Bill and Debbie are veterans. I secured us passes.

It was decided we’d go to Melt on Saturday night. Now, what about the rest of the weekend? That’s how this developed into what I started calling the Foodie Tour of Cleveland.

Lindsay, online, learned about Lucky’s Café in Tremont. That would be our Sunday brunch destination. On a previous trip to Cleveland, Bill and Kenny had fallen in love with Fat Fish Blue, downtown. That would be our Friday night dinner stop. If anyone comes to Cleveland to experience food, I think they need to see the West Side Market. We went to the West Side Market Café for Saturday morning breakfast, with plans of doing a market walk-through.

So here’s how the weekend went:

Thursday:
Kenny arrived before everyone else. He checked in at the Doubletree Hotel on Lakeside Ave. and called me. The two of us agreed that we would unofficially start the Foodie Tour Thursday evening with a quick dinner at Great Lakes Brewing Company. He had never been there before. This was the only one of the eateries over the entire weekend to which I had been before. Kenny and I both had the ultimate Cleveland dish: pierogies and bratwurst. The real reason for going to GLBC: the beer. Kenny had the GLBC’s best-seller, Dortmunder Gold. I had a bar-only selection called Tempus Fugit. Tempus Fugit means “time flies” in Latin, and if you drink enough of them, time really flies for you. It’s a darker beer with a honey flavor. Yum.

Friday:
Kenny spent part of the day at the West Side Market. His plans were to take photos of the food vendors, the food, and the building itself. I believe some “grazing” at the various vendors was also part of his mission.

Tim flew in from D.C., and arrived at the Doubletree about 4:00 p.m. Bill, Debbie and Lindsay drove in about 8:00. I drove downtown, and it was off to official stop #1, Fat Fish Blue.


My entree:  Fat Fish Boil

FFB is a Creole-themed restaurant at Prospect and Ontario downtown. I love Creole and Cajun cooking. I ordered an appetizer of fried green tomatoes (I have loved them since I was a kid), and for my entreé, the Fat Fish Boil, which is a Louisiana-style derivative of a dish popular in the coastal Carolinas called Low Country Boil. It includes shrimp, red potatoes, sausage, crayfish (crawdads), mussels and corn on the cob, all boiled together in a single pot, seasoned with Old Bay. It was absolutely delicious, but I prefer the Carolina version, which leaves out the crayfish; what little bit of meat you get out of crayfish tails is hardly worth it. They have live bands nearly every night at FFB, and this night was no exception. The band was good, but with a table of nine people talking, we hardly paid attention to the music. Oh, did I mention that Tim invited two classmates from his high school in Michigan (one came with her husband) now living in Cleveland? They were invited via Facebook. I would seriously do FFB again.

Saturday:
I went back to the hotel to meet everyone at 9:30 a.m. We took two cars to the West Side Market, and luckily found parking. You know, I’ve never been there before on a Saturday morning. It’s crowded with a capital “c.” We got a table for six in the West Side Market Café (a fairly small, crowded eatery) in no time flat. I ordered the Cheese and Tomato Frittata, which is an open face omelette with tomatoes, cheese and toast. The meal came with a side of hash browns, which were cut more finely than any hash browns I had ever had in my life. The helpings were not too large, not too small, and very good. I’d recommend the West Side Market Café if you’re in the Ohio City area, or headed to the Market. Our only difficulty was that our server had problems with splitting the check (she mixed up the items, which entailed a couple trips back to the register for her). As for the Market, everyone in the group was very impressed with the scope of what was available, the freshness, and the prices. Tim, was extremely impressed that he could find fresh cherries in January. He can’t even do that in California.


Cherries at West Side Market

Next up was back to the Doubletree, and a quick walk over to the Rock Hall. I have been there numerous times, and so has Bill. Tim had never been there before. While Debbie, Lindsay and Kenny went back to the hotel after about three hours, Tim, Bill and I stayed there until almost closing time at 5:30. That put us a bit behind for our next stop, Melt Bar and Grilled, where we would be joined by Kenny’s old friend and former co-worker, Brian, who now lives in Cuyahoga Falls.

Melt Bar and Grilled is a little bar on Detroit Ave. in Lakewood. Owner Matt Fish has developed quite a reputation for Melt as a funky place where you can get some of the most kick-ass grilled cheese sandwiches known to man.  These aren’t your typical Velveeta-on-white-bread grilled cheese sandwiches. One look at the menu will convince you. At Melt, due to its reputation, and due to small seating capacity, you WILL wait for a table. We checked in about 6:00 p.m. We were told there’d be a wait. A wait of 3½ hours! What to do, what to do? Rather than be packed in like sardines, we walked down the street to the Winking Lizard, about seven blocks east. At the Winking Lizard, we settled in for drinks and appetizers, while calling Melt every so often to check on the progress of getting a table.

We went back to Melt about 8:00. By then, the waiting crowd had thinned out, so at least there were places to sit. We were seated just before 9:00 p.m. We were handed the menus, which are glued to the back of rock and pop LP jackets (nice touch; goes well with the combination of Christmas and Halloween decorations). I ordered the Smokey Russian. It contains smoked turkey, smoked Gouda, and Napa vodka kraut, with a side of Russian dressing. The sandwiches came about 20 minutes later.


My sandwich at Melt

The sandwich was huge. It, the hand-cut fries, and the slaw completely filled the plate. I took a bite. I thought to myself,

OMG! This is great!

Melt Bar and Grilled lived up to the hype! The sandwich was delicious. I took half of it home, along with half the slaw and half the fries. This was the reason for all these folks coming to Cleveland, and they also agreed with me, that it was worth the trip. Will I wait three hours again? No. The folks at Melt suggest you come between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m., as waiting is minimal. The other option is to call ahead, and place a take-out order. Getting the food is not the problem; it’s getting a table. 

We all called it a night, knowing our final stop was coming in the morning.

Sunday:
We left the Doubletree about 9:45, destined for the Tremont neighborhood. I explained to everyone that Tremont is an old working class neighborhood that has been turned into a haven of hip restaurants, bars and shops. Our destination was along a one-way stretch of Starkweather Ave. We were headed to Lucky’s Café.

Lucky’s has a fantastic breakfast, lunch and brunch business. Their claim to fame are unique, delicious dishes, all made with locally-grown ingredients whenever possible. As someone said today, “It’s not like the Sysco truck backs up and unloads here.” People say they have Cleveland’s best brunch. Well, we wanted to see for ourselves.

The six of us had a table in about 20 minutes, and considering the crowd, and the size of the eatery, that was doing very well. We all ordered different things. I ordered the omelette, which is filled with spinach, zucchini, mushrooms and white cheddar. It comes with a side of home-style hash-browns, fresh fruit and piece of banana bread, which was pan-baked, rather than baked in a loaf. It looked great. I took a bite.


My omelette at Lucky's Café

Different meal, same reaction:

OMG, this is great!

Others in our group agreed with me. Tim and Kenny had the biscuits with gravy. Debbie had a really great granola, made in-house. Bill had the “Shipwreck,” which is a blend of hash browns, eggs, vegetables, bacon and cheddar. Lindsay had the Breakfast Burrito. Some in the group had orange juice (freshly-squeezed). Lindsay and Tim tried the bacon. The bacon is hand-cut and covered in a pecan mixture. It was almost like eating dessert, they say.

And, here’s another celebrity endorsement. I ran into WTAM 1100 Browns beat reporter Andre Knott at Lucky’s with his girlfriend and her mother.

We gave up the table fairly quickly so others could be seated. And that’s how the Foodie Tour of Cleveland ended. Bill, Debbie and Lindsay headed back to Michigan, Kenny drove back to Rochester, Tim flew back to Washington, and I went back home to contemplate this weekend.

If I wanted to give ratings, Melt and Lucky’s would both get five stars out of five. They both live up to the hype. If you want to try them, I’d do it quickly, as both restaurants are going to be featured on “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” on Food Network. Lucky’s was featured in October, and it’ll be repeated on February 1st. Host Guy Fieri was back in Cleveland a few weeks ago to tape at Melt, and that will get its first national airing on February 8th. Whenever a place is featured on Guy Fieri’s show, that is an automatic stamp of approval for quality.

I close by borrowing from the MasterCard commercials:

Cost of a tasty sandwich at Melt Bar and Grilled: $9.00
Cost of a tasty omelette at Lucky’s Café: $12.00
Being with old friends for the experience: Priceless.

I’m at Lowe’s, buying a push broom to replace one on which the sweeping head broke yesterday. I was using it to pull snow off my roof, and after climbing down off the ladder, I hit it against one of the brick walls of my house to knock out the excess snow. One of those hits broke the sweeping head in half. The old one was plastic, the new one is wood. But I digress.

While at Lowe’s, I remembered that I needed some light bulbs. Trying to be a good citizen of Mother Earth, I have decided that I will buy some CFL bulbs. I’m talking about those wonderful, curlicue-shaped bulbs that, if used by each and every one of us, will singlehandedly keep the polar ice caps from melting, and hopefully keep NBC from doing future “Green Weeks” with ecological messages poorly inserted into the storyline. 




After looking at the various wattage equivalent figures for the CFLs in stock, I picked a package of three, made by Sylvania (a brand name for light bulbs with which I have been familiar since God was playing stickball). I decided to go with the 75-watt equivalent (actually 20 watts). I went to the cashier, paid for my purchase, and went home. As I was unlocking the door, I accidentally dropped the bag containing the light bulbs.

You guessed it. I heard the sound of breaking glass from within the bag as it hit the ground. That’s when I realized something.

These light bulbs contain MERCURY!



Science lesson: Mercury is a naturally occurring element. Its symbol is Hg. It is number 80 on the periodic table. It is the only metal that is a liquid under normal conditions. It is used quite commonly in thermometers and barometers. It can conduct electricity. It is also EXTREMELY TOXIC. It is a POISON.

And now, it’s in the light bulbs that the U.S. Government wants us to buy. You know, those light bulbs that FirstEnergy was going to shove down our throats a few months ago – and stick us for the bill – until everyone in Ohio, right up to Gov. Ted Strickland, said, no way!

Luckily, the light bulbs were still in the bag, and the bag was outside. I tied the bag up tight using the handles. Then, I got a Ziploc bag and put the entire contents – shopping bag and all – inside the Ziploc bag. Then, I called Lowe’s.

I explained to the woman at customer service what happened. She talked to her manager. Manager said I could get a new package of light bulbs if I paid just half the original price. I figured, that’s better than nothing. I grabbed the receipt, put my coat back on, and drove over to Lowe’s in Rocky River.

On the way, I thought to myself, why do I want more of these bulbs? In all the years I have used incandescent light bulbs, I have never broken one. If you were to drop a box of incandescent light bulbs, chances they’d break are slim, as they’re light, and packaged fairly well. These CFLs are in almost the exact same packaging, but there’s one difference. The CFLs are heavier. They have a heavier base than incandescent light bulbs. Unless the Law of Gravity has changed, a CFL bulb in its package will fall to the ground faster than will an incandescent light bulb. If the CFL breaks, it releases mercury into the air. If the incandescent bulb breaks, you’ll have pieces of glass to clean up. That’s it.

I explained my story to the kid at the returns counter at Lowe’s. He just said, “do you have your receipt?” I produced it, and he just gave me a full refund. I thanked him profusely, and warned him not to open that bag, given what was inside.

Full disclosure: I have purchased exactly one CFL bulb before this. It was a three-way bulb. I put it into a little-used lamp in the basement. It puts out nowhere near the light of its incandescent equivalent. That didn’t make me happy, but since I still believe in reasonable ways to help out the ecology, I felt compelled to give the CFLs another chance. Our basement, which is also a family room, has nothing but fluourescent tube-style bulbs. Previous owners of the home put in those fixtures when they put in a drop ceiling. Those bulbs usually last for a few years, and I save them in a special area in the basement for when my city has a twice-annual toxic waste roundup. There is no incandescent alternative for these, not without replacing all the fixtures.

After today, I’m a little cool on the CFL bulbs. Yes, I know they cost less to use, and use less electricity, but there’s mercury in them. Nasty, dangerous mercury.

Yes, I have read the government’s fact sheet on mercury in CFL bulbs (at this link) that says more mercury is put into the air through the electricity generated to run an incandescent bulb than when you dispose of a CFL bulb. Couldn’t there have been a better way to cut our electric usage than to have something in each home that can make you sick? Do we really need light bulbs that have their own three-page, government-produced sheet regarding safety?

Power companies like FirstEnergy are between a rock and a hard place. It wasn’t all that long ago when power companies were extolling the virtues of all-electric homes. It was like Jay Leno in the 90s, doing ads for Doritos. Instead of “Crunch all you want, we’ll make more,” the power companies could have said, “Use all you want, we’ll make more.” Then, in the 70s, we were told to cut back, thanks to the Arab oil embargo. In the 80s and 90s, we went back to unlimited energy usage. Now again, in the new millennium, we’re back to using less power. It’s weird that back in the day, when America still made stuff, we were told that massive electric generation was the sign of a financially healthy society. Now we’re being told to cut back, both electric-wise, and spending-wise.

Reddy Kilowatt must be rolling over in his corporate grave.

The sun just came out for the first time in a week, and that is real cause for celebration, but I had to share this before going outside and enjoying.

I just received an e-mail both at home and at work from a scammer. We have all received a lot of scam e-mails promising wealth and riches from African princes and the like, but this one was written by a total moron.



I had to laugh at this one, for a number of reasons. It purports to be from an FBI agent, but it was sent through someone’s SBC (now AT&T) account. All the verbiage is wrong, wrong, wrong for an FBI agent. The spelling and grammar is horrible. And, the funniest thing of all, is that the e-mail was sent with a snowflake background.

Yeah, I truly trust FBI agents who send stuff from their home accounts, who don’t even know the correct terminology, and who make it look as if a teenage kid sent it with that cutesy background. That’s why I had to share both the text and the look of the e-mail.

Actually, I don’t know who’s the bigger moron: the person who sent this, or the person who actually responds to it (unless it’s a real FBI agent, the title of most being “Special Agent”).

Here in its entirety, is the message, mistakes and all:

Good day,
This is to let you know that if you have falling victim of online fraudulent activity before this is to notify you that those who have lost money to Scammer in Africa and other part of the world there is an avenue for you to recovery your stolen money. I am an FBI Agent Officer, i want you to know that the FBI Department will do everything possible to recover your stolen money in 3 days. The FBI Department is providing an opportunity to all who have lost money to scammers. The FBI is a global scam fighter in CA 93535, we have all the global scam computer to trace all ScammerS name and location with the aid of our device network. You will have to comply with us in order for the FBI to proceed with this investigation with immediate effect becos we have just cought a scammer with a large sum of money worth 5 miilion dollars with him and with other perpetrators. Also know that the underlisted requirement is needed in order for the FBI to place an approval of your stolen money as soon as possible:
1. FULL NAME:
2. CONTACT NUMBER:
3. AMOUNT EXTORTED FROM YOU:
4. NAME OF SCAMMER:
5. A SCAN COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION:
6. COUNTRY:
We await your swift respond in order to ascertain the investigation of your stolen money, if you are among the victim kindly email us with this email address usa.refunds@gmail.com.

Best regards, Keith Morgan (S.I.O)