Honorable mentions:

• Bob Frantz goes to rehab, takes anger management classes, finally admits he will try to be nice to at least one person in 2011.
• Ray Davis, our program director, buys Tony Rizzo's hairpiece.
• Channel 19 News makes big announcement... they will do naked news.
• The City of Cleveland announces they will close down.
• Dennis Kucinich divorces his wife and marries Nancy Pelosi.
• Seth and Romona Robinson meet at charity event, wind up having an affair.
• Dick Goddard, Channel 8 Weatherman, at age 82, signs new 15 year contract.
• Senator Sherrod Brown and PD columnist Connie Shultz hold a press conference and admit they hate America.
• Cuyahoga County raises speed limits on 480, 271, 77, and 71 highways to 90 miles per hour. Ed Fitzgerald admits it's to control the population.
• Muslims buy Terminal Tower, turn it into mosque.
• The city of Cleveland and Cuyahoga County, to save money, announce there will be no snowplows, cops or rubbish removal... you're on your own.
• Rock and Roll Hall of Fame elects the band Chance. Sonny Geraci commits suicide upon hearing news.
• The Browns, Indians and Cavs merge to one roster. Players, to save money, will play all three sports.
• United States of America announces they will have all-gay army. They then go to war with France and win.

10.Somebody in the Cleveland media will actually come out and say that Byron Scott is doing a bad job.

9. Mike Holmgren holds press conference, admits he always hated Mangini, hires Paul Brown's great-grandson as coach.

8. Sharon Reed of Channel 19 marries and has twins.

7. Cleveland Indians hold a press conference and announce new summer activities during games... including a pool in center field. It's a ground rule double if the ball lands in the pool. Also, Grady Sizemore will wear swimmies to prevent injury. Also, Indians announce signing of Joe Charbineau to DH for 48,000 per year. He's holding out for 52,000.

6. Mayor of Cleveland Frank Jackson holds press conference, announcing that he is shaving and will run for President. Says if Obama can get elected, why can't he? His running mate to get the black vote will be Art McCoy.

5.Radio adopts “Do Ask, Do Tell” policy. Rover comes out of the closet.

4. Dan Gilbert holds press conference, announces he is moving the Clevelandcasino to Mentor, also says everything is great, and the casino should be open by 2019.

3. Governor Kasich holds press conference, announces that to help with jobs, the economy and balancing the budget, Ohio will merge with Pennsylvania.

2. President Obama holds press conference, announces he is divorcing Michelle and marrying Oprah. He and Oprah will be the first husband and wife ticket to run for President in the 2012 election.

1. The United States announces they will split in three territories, The East, The Middle and The West. One territory will be for only whites, one for minorities, and one for gays.